HEAD: I was thinking the lobster linguine, but s’a bit much, innit?
STUART: What… price, or carbs, or what?
DATE: Erm, both.
STUART: If you want it, you get it. It’s cheat day. And you look fantastic.
HEAD: No… really? You don’t think my love handles-?
STUART: No, your ears are fine.
WAITER: Are ready to order?
STUART: Yes. I… shall have the…
STUART: Steak. Medium rare.
WAITER: Very good, sir. And for the…
STUART: He is going to have the lobster linguine and he is not going to argue about it.
WAITER: Excellent choice.
STUART: Oh – not for me, thanks; I’m driving. It goes straight to my head.
HEAD: Oh, thanks!
HEAD: Cheers. So, er – what’s all this about?
STUART: What d’you mean?
HEAD: Well… the meal and the wine, and that ’thing’ you did to me this morning.
HEAD: What was the name of that stuff?
STUART: Oh, the Advanced Shave Oil?
HEAD: Yeah. That was great.
STUART: Well it is a fantastic product from a risk-taking brand with a great sense of humour.
HEAD: What are you being so nice to me for?
STUART: Well… you’re my face. You’re special. You’re the first thing people see when they meet me. You’re like my ’shop window’. I should be doing this for you every day. I should be treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
*gross tongue noises*
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Shall we just go?
MAN: If you want dessert, have dessert…
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Well I don’t want a whole one.
MAN: I don’t want any, but if you want one – have one.
BADLY-SHAVED HEAD: Well, I’m not just going to sit here by myself and have a whole panna cotta while you smash birds against candy or jewels or whatever you’re playing.
MAN: Do you have to do that?
STUART: Whoah. Let’s calm down there a bit, eh…? Yep.
Treat your face right.
King of Shaves